Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Lady Gag Me
The pop star’s antics are of shark jumping proportions

LONDON, ENGLAND--Sporting 12 inch platform boots, Lady Gaga fell while walking in London's Heathrow Airport on June 23rd, apparently tripping over a train following her chaps. We here at KP have intentionally not commented nor written about Ms. Gaga for this very reasonit had to happen sooner or later. The pop diva, though a talented song writer and classically trained concert pianist, has been desparitely seeking more media attention (any attention) over and above that given to a top of the charts performer.

For those of us that grew up with Michael Jackson and Madonna dominating the pop scene, we've seen entertainers at their best and worst and at their most absurd. Madonna and Jackson were geniuses for reinventing themselves and becoming new all over again to older fans while expanding a larger fan base. But Ms. Gaga's latest escapades are pure and pathetic attempts to garner press for no other reason than to garner more press for no other reason than to garner unneeded publicity. 

--Killswitch Politick

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Al Gore reportedly had an affair
Star magazine says the former VP was involved in an extramarital relation with Laurie David

NASHVILLE, TN—In a bombshell announcement, Albert and Tipper Gore circulated a note among close friends and associates stating they were ending their 40 year marriage amicably but little reason was given. Now, Star magazine is reporting the former Vice President was involved with Larry David’s ex-wife, Laurie.

After being questioned about the relationship, Laurie said the allegations were untrue and denies that any such affair occurred. Ms. David was the producer of the propaganda, court adjudicated, junk science movie An Inconvenient Truth.

If the allegation is true it would be great for the environment, these two do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do environmental alarmists would reduce their carbon footprint. Each live in mammoth 14,000 square foot houses that use over twenty times the energy of an average home and chem-trail their carbon footprint all over the sky flying in private jets while telling everyone else to cut back their lifestyle.

If it isn’t true, then the two environmentalists can continue doubling down on hypocrisy, while preaching the end of the world is at hand.

-- Killswitch Politick

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Piers Morgan replacing Larry King?
Slumping ratings are forcing a change at CNN

ATLANTA, GA—The headline says it all and apparently its all but a done deal, Larry King is out, Piers Morgan is in. The Britain’s Got Talent judge is about to ink a £5.5 million ($8,129,177) deal with CNN to replace Mr. King.
The former newspaper editor caught the interest of CNN executives with his talk show, Piers Morgan's Life Stories when he interviewed former Prime Minister Gordon Brown. The host switch is supposed to occur in the fall (likely before fall sweepstakes) and CNN execs are hoping to rescue the time slot as ratings have fallen a full 3 percent since just last year alone. From January to March of this year, Mr. King’s viewership reached an all time low, with only 771,000 viewers tuning in; by contrast, The O’Reilly Factor garners well over 3 million viewers.

Mr. King, 76, has been on the air since 1985 and was a dominant force for years, but when competition showed up, Mr. King began to lose some of his audience. In part, his interview style morphed into something all but unrecognizable and currently is thoroughly uninteresting. Mr. King has no doubt secured a place in the television host’s hall of fame but he might well find himself with a plaque hanging across the street in the television host’s hall of shame.

-- Killswitch Politick

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A perfect game, imperfectly called
Umpire Jim Joyce’s error deprives Armando Galarraga of a record

DETROIT, MI—Umpire Jim Joyce blew a call in the ninth inning with two outs and a batter behind the count as Tiger’s pitcher Armando Galarraga had what would otherwise be a perfect game at home in Comerica Park. “Would” being the operative word in the previous sentence as many of you know, Joyce called Jason Donald safe after his ground ball it was fielded by first baseman Miguel Cabrera and relayed to Galarraga, covering first.

The call came with disbelief and Tiger’s manager Jim Leyland argued the safe call with Joyce but to no avail. The fans were left to boo and watch helplessly the replay over and over again, but reality had no intervention into history, though it occurred only seconds before. What’s more, Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig has stated he will not overturn the call, even though it is clear the official was in error.

Joyce tearfully apologized to Galarraga in person for his mistake as it was clear he blew the call; Selig should revisit his decision and overturn the call, granting Galarraga what he and his teammates earned—a perfect game.

-- Killswitch Politick

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Simon Cowell departs from American Idol
The show’s creator is on to his next concept, The X Factor

LOS ANGELES, CA—American Idol creator and music executive Simon Cowell sat in his judge’s seat for the final time last week, ending nine seasons of recording breaking TV ratings. The British music mogul and entrepreneur has found enormous success in his brutally honest repertoire.

Clearly a man whom knows how to market himself and his concepts, Mr. Cowell has set a new standard for reality television and hopes his newest venture, The X Factor will outdo American Idol and has amassed a net worth of over $170 million. Cowell’s brilliance comes from bringing to the public what is not seen in music videos: the arduous task of shaping young talent with no direction and prima-donna instincts. His shows reveal what managers and producers have long been yelling from the recording studio.

We wish Mr. Cowell much success in his venture and its short history already has a proven track record for such success; as for American Idol, we believe the best course of action is to re-brand and re-vamp the entire show because you wouldn’t continue to call a show Seinfeld if Jerry Seinfeld had left before the franchise ended.

-- Killswitch Politick